“Do what I say or I will have feels!” We’ve all been in this conversation before.  Either it’s the emotional blackmail of being told not to do something because if you do it will hurt them and the crushing nature of that sadness/despair/agony will destroy everything!  Absolutely EVERYTHING!  Or its the don’t do or be or feel what you are wanting to do or be or feel because if you do I will be so angry, like a force of nature, that it will end EVERYTHING!  It’s like you’re holding an ultimatum grenade with the pin already pulled.  You’re being told not to make any sudden moves and to not let go, but not being offered any help either.  Basically you need to stop living your life and hold that grenade…forever…because reasons.  (Of which there will be many, some seemingly logical and many not.)

These types of conversations happen at all levels of relationship from casual to intimate, but the more invested we are emotionally the more our emotional attachments can be used as weapons against us.  I mean, the mailman having a tantrum because we’ve put the mail in the slot the wrong way or too much doesn’t affect deeply although it’s noticeable and will probably go onto the internet in some form.  Our significant other telling us the wedding is off two months before the ceremony because they don’t want to invite Aunt Gertie cuts a bit deeper.  And one grenade like that can probably be juggled.  But if two weeks later the wedding is off because they don’t like your friend Jaylen and can’t stand to be around them on the day becomes a bit suspicious.  But it could just be the wedding jitters, right?  And the week after that when they call it off because you made a decision without them about some detail or weren’t able to meet them to make a decision about a detail becomes not only a juggling act but suspiciously like a tell concerning what the marriage is going to be like anytime there is stress involved.

Disagreeements, misunderstandings, good ole fashioned fights, these are all normal and healthy if the parties are respectful of each other.  You know, Han shot firstkeep things above the belt, no hair pulling or ear biting, verbally or otherwise. A really honest emotionally charged argument can clear the air like spring storm and leave things better than they were.  Misunderstandings can tell us more about the other and about ourselves than all the perfectly understood comments in the world.  In fact they can be magic doorways into totally new and uncharted territory and who doesn’t like an adventure?  🙂  DisagNice Grenadesreements, negotiations, and compromises are how we weave some of the strongest bonds in any relationship.  Again, if it’s honest, respectful, and combat is above the belt.  I mean, you can bring a blaster to the negotiation table, but do you really want this talk  to be the one where Han shot first? And which one of you ends up being Greedo?  Emotions shouldn’t be used as weapons to control us and not only shouldn’t we be left holding a live grenade, there shouldn’t be any grenades in a healthy relationship. (Well, unless you’re a Browncoat and you’re going into Reaver territory, but how likely is that?)