I listen to people…intelligent people…common sensical people…tell me all the details of who their partner is, what they think what they believe in technicolor detail. They tell me exactly what their beloveds won’t approve of, agree with, or support in any way, then tell me that’s exactly how they present things all the time. Then they shrug and say “See? I’m stuck. I just don’t know what to do and nothing is going to change.” Sometimes there’s a big sigh. I try to make sure it doesn’t come from me and that they can’t hear the *face palm* I just did.
Why? Why you wonderful people, would you specifically shoot yourself in the foot? Why, knowing all that you know, loving your partners the way you do, would you set yourself up to fail and them to succeed at being the bad guy? How is that loving on your part? Don’t we want our partners to succeed? Can’t there be a win/win without having to change our partners? What happened to playing to their strengths?
When you know someone really well, you have the ability to create a we where they play to your strengths and you play to theirs. That doesn’t mean that everyone has to agree, has to be completely supportive or has to lie in order to look like their supportive. It doesn’t mean having to sacrifice your core self or become a passive/aggressive combatant. What is means is, if your partner is a facts and figures gal, then present things in a facts and figures way. Go just that little extra mile to make what you love relatable to them. If they say they don’t want to hear about this or that topic, don’t look at it as being unsupportive, look at it as a hall pass. You don’t have to talk to them about it. They said so and you are taking them at their word the first time like a partner should. Treat them like you would a client or a patient by putting things in terms of what is relevant to them. You’ll get a great deal more buy in and you might even find that they become more flexible around all this stuff you are doing.
And then again you can keep doing exactly what they don’t like, what they don’t want, and doing it in a way which is in their face and see if something changes. That’s a thing. Let me know how that goes. *sigh* *face palm*