“All of my life I’ve been looking for someone who will….” It’s amazing how we can have such a detailed understanding of what it is we want from and in that certain someone in our lives, but when asked what we want from and for ourselves we draw a complete blank. It’s not that we don’t see ourselves, that we aren’t aware of our skills and our abilities, but for many they are overshadowed by our needs and our lacks and our empty places and our brokenness which needs to be mended. Instead of going within to heal and complete ourselves, we’re directed to look outside. Either through actions like a career or a sport, dedicating ourselves to an organization or pursuit, or by looking for someone else to complete us. Looking for that person who needs what we have to offer and in return will make up for all that we lack.
So we make do or do without and constantly try and fail and look and fail, like a really painful and sad game of Marco Polo where we never get a response. For some reason we never think that we could use our amazingly detailed description of what and who we want to fix what is ailing us. If someone else can be those things, why can’t we? If we want to be nurtured, paid attention to, supported and validated, let’s start with us. If we want someone to do things with who will enjoy what we enjoy, why not start with us? If we want to feel fulfilled in our life, why not start living a life that is fulfilling, not to someone else’s standards but to ours?
One of the keys to having a good relationship with someone is having a good relationship with yourself first. Then you aren’t a needy person looking to someone else to fulfill you, you are an abundantly alive person with lots of gifts and joy and laughter to offer someone else. If you’re not needy, then you won’t call in others who are needy. If you are happy with yourself then you will attract others who are happy with yourself and who is willing to share their life just like you’re willing to share yours. So be the person you’re looking for. Use that detailed map and start doing and being those things for yourself. Not only will you be happier, but happy people will want to join you in the fun.