I’m all about choosing yes. At some point we have to decide that we’re going to do what we’re here to do, we’re going to reach out for the life we want, we’re going to be happy and we’re going to try to make that happen even if what we choose to do is wrong and we fail and succeed over and over again. Choosing yes is absolutely crucial to having the life each of us deserve. It validates our existence and moves us beyond subsistence and survival into thriving and excelling.
But we also have to choose no in order to succeed at yes. Without no there are no boundaries, no safe zone, no means of discerning what’s right for me vs. everything else. Without no we are subject to everyone else’s whim even if its well-intentioned, even if its logical and seemingly the best choice to make. Choosing no means having the right to not be used or abused, to feel perhaps for the first time the freedom of choosing myself over everyone and everything else. Choosing no means being free to say yes where its most joyful without having to qualify it. Choosing no doesn’t mean being closed off or unavailable or judgmental, it means being respectful to the self first and therefore being capable of respecting everyone and everything else. It means disallowing what doesn’t work so that we can give 100% to what does.
Choosing no is like a runner standing in the blocks before a race. Pushing against the blocks in the opposite direction propels them forward. In yoga standing poses it is the pushing against the floor which allows us the freedom to reach higher safely, to balance as we stretch to the fullest extent, pushing downward to reach upward. Choosing no isn’t a one time ultimatum, it’s a lifetime commitment to self-care, to good boundaries, to seeing clearly, validating the self and one of the surest ways to build trust in our own abilities. That way we can not only choose yes, but follow it with actions.