You know that old joke that the cliché husband gives his wife tools for Christmas because he knows she won’t use them so he’ll get to?  Yeah.  That’s giving people what you want.  Sometimes it works out because you and the receiver have similar taste or like exactly the same things, but most of the time it’s a negative.

When you give people something you think they should have, something that fits you, is something you would use or wear, or something you just thought was cook, you’re actually handing out a double whammy of hurt.  First off, you turned something that should be about the receiver and made it about you which steals the moment.  Yes, giving and receiving is an exchange of energy, but the energy shouldn’t be branded “Me…Me…Me…” it should be an offering to the other for the other.

Second, giving in this way says very directly and efficiently that the receiver doesn’t matter.  If they mattered then the giver would have taken the time to get them something that is relevant to them…at all…rather than just dumping something on them that has no connection or relevance.  Even worse if its something they have to take action about like something they have to return or that they simply cannot use and will need to dispose of (quietly because they don’t want to offend.  Life is fully of irony that way)

So when giving, if you find something you really like, don’t buy it and then try to foist it on someone else, don’t try to justify the buying of it because someone else will really enjoy it too, buy it because you want it and put it under the tree for yourself or don’t buy it now and put it on the list for January when things get blah and you could use a little pick me up.  Things like this are great for helping us keep going with those New Year’s resolutions that start to flag after a couple of weeks.