I’ve been there myself and I see it all the time in friends, acquaintances, and clients. We want something so bad that we ignore all the facts and evidence around us that we aren’t going to get it and can’t have it. And we seek out any piece of information that supports our desire to have it. This mostly happens with relationships, but it can happen around pretty much anything.
Our desire for it and to have it ‘right now!’ is out of balance overwhelming common sense and social norms. It keeps us from paying attention to our actions and to the reaction of others when we take those actions. It keeps us from paying attention to regular life events or responsibilities. It takes away our ability to feel happiness or joy or anything other than lack and desire and the need to act. We get a bit crazy.
We don’t believe the truth when it is put in front of us. We don’t believe the situation, don’t admit to the facts, and keep creating this picture in our mind of what life is going to like when this thing happens or we get it. What we don’t see is that getting it isn’t going to solve the problem and more than likely will make our lives very bad indeed. There’s a reason it isn’t working out and we should be seeing it like a red neon sign saying “Stop! Don’t go any further!” But we are blind so we just keep going.
This state is easy to see even from the inside once we get there. When you are in it you know and can point to the fact that you are in it. The problem is stopping the laser like focus you have on the object of your desire and putting that energy into looking at yourself. But looking at yourself is the first step to stopping the train so you can get off. The next step is to look beyond the desire or lack to find the real issue. Because looking at the lack is what you’ve been doing. And the resolution you’ve found for it is outside of yourself, something you need that is external to you that will resolve the problem. And only that thing will do. But that’s never the case. Life is never that simple. And the issue is rarely lack of something, but deeper, more truly emotional and raw and honest. And in the end, that’s what this desire and lack is for. To keep you from feeling and dealing with what is really going on. It takes courage to do it, but stop the train and get off. You’ll be a better person for it in the end.