There is no one key thing that makes a relationship work nor is their one that causes them to fail.  I dysfunctional relationship can work for decades because the individuals are dysfunctional in exactly the right ways for each other.  As the old rhyme goes “Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, and so betwixt them both, you see, they licked the platter clean.”  However, there are some things that tend to lead towards failed relationships, mostly because they keep the relationship for being one.

You know that romantic trope of two lovers in a field of wild flowers running towards each other?  It’s supposed to end with them in a romantic embrace that is suggestive, but leaves the ending open to interpretation.  They could sit down and have a very spiritual experience while reading poetry to each other and talking metaphysics or they could get incredibly carnal with each other and experience ecstasy or anything in between or both or neither.  It’s a Rorschach test for the observer, now isn’t?  🙂  However, we are led by this story to see two people running towards their bliss or their destiny or their best life or their rescue…whatever.  Running towards happily every after.  But what if that’s not what they’re doing?

A great many people look at that story and see it as a way to run away.  They have a very great need to run away from themselves, to run away from their current lives, from their situation, from their fears and loneliness and other hurts.  They see their beloved as the means by which all that will go away.  So many relationships wither and die or implode spectacularly because of this. When the point of the relationship isn’t about loving the other person, sharing the self with someone else, wanting to give and explore and wonder at the other, but is instead about escape, then we’re not really in a relationship at all.  We’re on a mission and one that is focused on the self, not on the other.  Just a hint: some people resent being used in this manner.

So before seeking out for that certain someone who will open the door to your fantasy life, first look to see if you’re running towards or running away.  Perhaps its time to stop running all together.