Verbally AbusiveIt’s funny how people will work so hard to achieve something, actually do it, and only then realize that it’s completely wrong for them. Not because they chose wrong, but because they absolutely ignored, misunderstood, or misrepresented things which were absolutely necessary for the success of the project.  This is a common occurence when people are lonely and they start working to manifest unconditional love.  They start praying/meditating/manifesting and in no time at all they receive the most loving, giving, caring, unconditionally relating….pet they have ever had. This is wonderful but of course is not what they were intending. They were looking for a partner and forgot to include the fact that the unconditional love should come packaged in a bipedal, non-fixer upper, single, willing to have a relationship form.

This is what I mean when I talk with people about the nonnegotiables. There are things that are negotiable in any given situation.  In buying a car the color is usually (not always) negotiable. The nonnegotiables are price, availability, and working order. Various features will be negotiable, having inflated non leaking tires is not. Car salesmen are trained and skilled at confusing what is negotiable and what is not. This is one reason why we don’t trust them. They use various social rules against us, confuse us with rebates, percentages and deals which aren’t in order to get us to negotiate what is non-negotiable. In the end we can have a lemon, a lease which doesn’t benefit us, or a car we can’t afford.

For some, just figuring out what is non-negotiable can be difficult. If we’re habituated to self-sacrifice then we don’t see our own well being as non-negotiable even though it should be. For others we know what is non-negotiable but it takes an act of courage to admit it to ourselves and to say it out loud. It is a boundary that shows others how to treat us and this can feel confrontational or selfish. However, if we are to create a happy life we need to stop negotiating what is in the end non-negotiable. All the time and effort we have spent reconciling, repairing, and reacquiring what is lost when we negotiate these things could be put to better use in building the life we want to have. Starting any project by stating the actual truth, that some things are non-negotiable, is honoring of the self and a revolutionary act. It not only supports us, but becomes a beacon to the light the way for others. Shine on.