I’ve blogged about it briefly a couple of times:

Healing is relational

Seeking Yourself Is an Act of Courage

Positive change is always good for you and good for everyone around you even if its tangential and the positive effects show up in the long term and not the short.  But, at least in the short term, it may not feel that way to the people who care about you the most and that can be problematic.

It’s a common theme that I bring up with my clients who are working on deep internal processes and making huge changes in their life such relocating, changing careers, ending or starting significant relationships, or changing the boundaries of family relationships:  people don’t like change and so the people you care most about in your life are more than likely not going to be happy with you making this change.  I don’t say it to scare people or to make things more difficult.  I point it out because it’s true.

No one can see inside you to see the changes that are occurring.  They can only see the results as they affect your actions and behaviors and choices. And your changing changes the structure of their life, which they don’t like, so they will react in some form either to back away from you so that the changes don’t affect them or to keep you from changing.  They want their life to be stable and you’re a part of their life so they need you to stay the same.

Martha Beck takes this farther by giving some tips on how to deal with this situations when it arises.  Because like everything else, it’s not black/white, either/or.  You can have your positive change and still keep the people you love the most.  Just remember that everything is interconnected so as you change so will your relationships.

The New You: Handling Change-Back Attacks