I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people talk about healing deep core issues in a way that makes it sound like they just farted and they don’t want to have anybody else smell it. “I just want to release and let it go. I just want to be rid of it. Isn’t there some way I can get rid of this for good?” Well, sometimes there is a beano type process that can help people if the issue is simply an “I ate something I shouldn’t have” thing or if they’ve healed everything to the point where just a little beano or a laxative will loosen things up and get them moving. But for most people this just isn’t a model or even a metaphor that actually has any meaning or relevance.
What I have found is that healing is a multistep process that can be categorized into three phases: 1) Identify problem/root of problem/all tendrils of problem, 2) Work on changing behaviors so problem/reactions to problem/side effects of problem are no longer an active part of current life, 3) Create new life which acknowledges history, but does not allow previous behaviors stemming from or repeat of initial problem. People struggle because they think that they can go from phase 1 to phase 3 or that phase 3 will just magically occur because they have completed phase 1. It sometimes happens, but then a broken clock is right at least twice a day, right?
Once we know what the issues are it’s time to tackle the most difficult and rewarding part of healing, creating the new life we deserve. That means changing our identity from whatever we were taught it is whether that’s “perpetual victim”, “over achiever”, “people pleaser”, “peace maker”, “the one who gets it done”, “most responsible”, “care giver” or the hundreds of other roles that we’re forced to undertake. It doesn’t matter how other people perceive us or what they want or think, healing requires that we take on the challenge of changing this definition within ourselves. That when we wake up in the morning and think, “Who am I?” we immediately and without hesitation or will power define ourselves by our new life instead of the old one. It requires that we be fully present in our bodies, that we relinquish the need to control and be safe from our own inner demons, that we be fully present to our emotions and become our own best friend. It means we become the parent we wish we had as a child, that we grant ourselves the grace we pleaded for growing up, and that we do so in each minute of each day. It means getting our minds out of the driver seat, letting our hearts and our bodies and our soul take the wheel, and live the life we’ve been promising ourselves, one moment at a time, starting now.
So stop focusing on how to release what you think is gas. It isn’t. And btw, everyone makes methane. It’s healthy. Say excuse me and move on. 😉 Start focusing on phase 2, reward yourself often for efforts, not just victories, and you’ll see immediate positive results.