Change can be very hard.  There are lots of quotes and memes about fear being the reason why we tend not to change, but I think we over emphasize that aspect of things.  Also, we tend to talk about change as if everything else around us is standing still and the only thing that is acting or not acting is us.  Therefore we are completely in control of all the variables and we’re just not doing it.  That seems a bit absolutist and doesn’t fit reality either.

Change can be very hard.  Each of us is a unique, complicated, amazing being with a tremendous amount of internal processing going on.  We’re inundated with tons of sensorial input and information moment to moment and trying to keep and continually improve our core-self while keeping up with the roles, responsibilities and choices that our current life requires.  It doesn’t matter whether those requirements are self imposed or not, as far that that aspect of things go.  So when it comes to things changing, we’ve already got enough change going on, thank you very much.  Most of us react to change in the instant with “no” and then move on to a more integrated and holistic response afterwards.  Even better if we keep that first response internal, although facial expressions do get away from us.  🙂

And then there are the changes we know need to get made, but we’re already on tilt from everything else we have to do in life so we put them off. It’s not that we don’t want to do them or we don’t think they are right or fair or whatever.  It’s just that it’s a lot on top of a lot and we just don’t want to take it on right now.  Can we do that later?  It’s not fear of what might happen and what the outcome might be, it’s being clear on what will happen and how much of us it will take to get it done.  And where does all that extra time and effort come from?  That 6 hours of sleep I’m luxuriating in every day?  *sigh*

So then there’s the really hard change.  The change that we know changes everything.  The change that our soul’s scream for.  The change we have put off and put off until our bodies and our emotions are caving in under the onslaught, every last bit of good has been wrung out, trampled, and flushed out of the situation, and all that is left is the choice.  But even with that the choice isn’t cut and dried.  Because it’s not a choice between lesser evils, it’s between this thing I love, this other thing I love, or this thing over here that I love.  It’s a choice between loving the way I have loved and loving everyone even more by doing what feels like the least loving thing(s) that can possibly be done.   And that’s not what we are, is it?  Unloving?  Uncaring?  Unfeeling?  Yes, the change is for the best, it will all come out right in the end, blah, blah, blah.  But that doesn’t make it any easier.

So then there’s the truly scary changes.  The changes where you think there might be physical ramifications.  The changes that might cause you physical harm.  The changes that take you from a secure reality into one that is completely unknown.  The changes that take the comfortable away and leave us with dependence on ourselves for possibly the first time.  Not just our will power and our guts and our hard work, but ourselves – our souls and our interconnection with everything.  Because one of the hardest changes to make is to open ourselves up to the possibility that we are more than what we have experienced before.  That what we know isn’t all there is to know.  That who we are can change.