There’s a spiritual faery tale out there that if you get on your path, if you figure out what you’re here to do and you start doing it, then everything will be easy. Unicorns will appear farting rainbows, money will well up from the earth in such abundance you’ll wade through it, and kittens will gently play all obstacles out of your path so you never even notice them. *sigh* Fabulous! Sign me up! Of course, underneath this faery tale is the reward system. If you do what you’re supposed to you’ll be rewarded and if you don’t you’re punished with a difficult life. So somewhere lurking in the background is a bully or an authority, even if it’s defined as a vague “universe” who is judging us. 😛
Reality is much less straight forward and less about judging. Finding your path and walking it isn’t the golden ticket to heaven on earth although it’s a step in the right direction towards a happy life. It is also the path that heads straight towards all of the stuff you’ve been avoiding, all the unhealed issues you’ve been avoiding, and all the “I’ll get to that someday” jumble which is shoved into the furthest reaches of your psyche where it nags insistently. Getting on your path is a ticket directly to working with all of that stuff.
Congratulations! Once you’ve signed up to walk your path all of the hard stuff gets pulled out into the light and you get to deal with it once and for all. No more nagging and struggling and niggling reminders and cycling back to it again and again. It’s time for you to put “Paid” on it and file it away for good. Which is why when some people find their path they start what seems like a shit storm or seem to launch into the clouds only to fall sharply to earth. Because the rule is “Healer heal thyself” no matter the path you’re on. Start where you are. Some people find their path after working through all of this stuff consciously and with great effort, some people find their path before. As Pema Chodron says, “Start where you are.” Struggling doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your path or you’re doing it wrong. Sailing through things doesn’t mean you’re doing it right. Finding your path and acting on it, actually walking it and living it means changing your life, your whole life. It’s a challenge and a blessing where the colors are brighter, the joys are sharper, and the work is more meaningful, richer and more fulfilling. But there’s still work to do. Don’t despair or turn way. You’re on the right track. Keep going.