Something I hear from clients and friends and family is “I can’t ‘do some kind of skill or activity’ so I’m just giving up. I’ll never ‘whatever it is’.” And on the one hand I can understand. Boundaries and appropriate expectations are good to have. I’m pretty sure I won’t be an astronaut in this lifetime so it’s probably a good thing that I don’t have my hopes set on it and I’m not expending a huge amount of energy to achieve this goal. However, I’ve come to that conclusion due to a couple of things. One, I have no interest in becoming an astronaut. Two, I repeatedly do things that would prevent me from becoming one. Three, I have spent decades doing those things so it seems that I enjoy them or am working through them and they are more important that becoming an astronaut, which is not one time thing, but a lifetime commitment.
On the other hand, when people say these things to me, it’s usually not because they don’t want to do them. Quite the opposite. They very much want to be able to do them, do them in a certain way, and get a specific result from them. And for one or many reasons they haven’t been able to do so. They are therefore in the process of creating an identity that says “I am not that”. I’m not a smart person, I’m not a high achiever, I’m not going to make a difference in this world, I’m not going to have a circle of friends and family that I can count on, I’m not going to be seen for who I truly am…on and on and on. So they don’t have my number one issue. But they may have my number two or number three issue or both. And from that they are creating a boundary that says that they can never achieve what they want.
The thing is, never doesn’t actually exist. It’s a fantasy word we use to make a point when we are communicating. So if never is not an option that is on the table then ‘possibly’ and ‘maybe’ come into play. What I point to most often is: what you are experiencing today is just one moment in time. It influences but does not control what will happen in the next moment or the next. No person is doomed to miss out on their dream or want just because they haven’t had it before and don’t have it now and have failed to achieve it in past attempts. Those attempts have taught you not only what not to do again, but given you insight on what to do next to get that one step further. Perhaps you need to start with smaller steps. Perhaps you need to heal or prep or learn some key component before you can move forward. Perhaps you need to reevaluate the specifics of the goal you have st. It might be that you can achieve it in a different way, through different means, that fit better with who you are.
Who we are is not set in stone. That’s part of the magic in life. Past experiences and current states influence but don’t dictate what will happen in the future. This is just one moment in time. The next one is full of possibility. And one possibility is you moving closer to being able to live your dreams.