So many of the people I work with, both students and clients, suffer from having difficult childhoods. This ranges anywhere from distant and non-demonstrative parents or families where the person just never fit in to literal torture. And before anyone starts that story in their head that there is some scale of hard where these people fit in, take a listen to Ash Beckham. Nobody’s hard is any more or less than anyone else’s. Hard is just hard.
So our childhood’s where hard. So what? you say. Just get on with it. Move on with your life. Well, to that I say “No.” Why should we? Oh, I don’t mean digging in to figure out why or blaming this that or the other for the way we are now. That has its place, it’s time, and it’s healing modalities. I’m talking about the little wounded kids we still are inside who don’t need one more lesson in how to survive. They need to be cuddled and loved and hugged up and reminded that they are precious just because they exist. Just because we’re adult doesn’t mean we don’t still need good parents and good parenting. That need doesn’t go away because we go out into the world on our own.
The hard part is that we continue looking for others to provide it to us. Our lovers, our friends, our coworkers and even acquaintances. Every situation we get into becomes a means to get some form of love and nurturing and bonding and support and enough is never enough. So we wander through life searching, never finding, moving through one relationship after another and never getting what we need. So let’s stop the cycle. Since we are adults, we know exactly what we need and how we need it (in fact we’ve related it to all of our lovers in detail so we have it memorized) how about we start providing it to the one person who needs it the most…us. All the energy and effort that we put into everything else everywhere else, let’s direct a little or a lot our way. Move beyond self-care to parenting and see yourself as the precious piece of divinity you are. Use your parenting skills where they are most deserved and let the world spin on without you for a few moments. It will get along just fine…