Family of origin issues. *wince* For a great many of us the topic is cringe worthy or depressing or exhausting just to think about. Working with the issues we have acquired through living with (or surviving) or families is something we naturally do in our 20’s but may take much more. The process holds a great deal of wisdom, clarity, and becoming in it even for those who had amazing, happy, “normal” families and childhoods. For those who didn’t getting on the scuba suit and diving into the depths can provide miraculous healing, redemption, and hope for the life they are meant to have.
Queue the music….happy ending….and cut. Now that the Hallmark movie is over….*sigh* For some people they can spelunk in the caverns of their souls over and over, dive to hidden depths that never needed or wanted to see the light of day, deal and deal and deal again with their family issues and nothing changes. This is usually an indicator that the issue isn’t inside, but outside. There is a point where healing is complete. Not everyone gets there, but it is there for the getting. But being healed on the inside isn’t a magic wand that somehow turns you from the servant girl into Cinderella. It doesn’t take you from the 90 lb weakling to Neo in the Matrix who knows Kung Fu. The outside still needs to be dealt with.
On the outside of us are all the habits that we have acquired from our families. Experience is supposed to teach us. That’s why, if you’ve every touched a hot burner, your body automatically flinches and is wary around stoves. You can get over it, but why would you and it’s usually not a conscious thing. Families give us experiences and these inform our we interact with the world. Like having it reinforced that every time we succeed in something we get punished so that we learn we are never good enough no matter how hard we strive. Doesn’t matter how much healing you do inside, if your body automatically expects failure as the end result of effort it’s going to react accordingly. It’s a habit that is now worn like a second skin.
So when the house is in order inside and yet things haven’t changed on the outside, stop for a moment and check. Is there really a further problem that needs to be dealt with in you, or do you need to shrug off the habits your family handed to you like hand me down clothes? Because as within so without. The shiny new you probably needs to get some new duds. 🙂