We are social animals. We relate to each other in such a variety of ways that we create categories of relationship just to be able to sort through them, much in the way we use the word ‘chair’ to define an infinite array of seating options. And as much as we work to define relationships as above, beyond, or outside of the physical realm we do so by referencing the physical nature of relationships. Because geography, time, experience, and the details of our physical bodies are integral parts of who we are and what we’re doing here. They may not be the primary facts, but they are definitely in the mix.
So when a person we are connected to leaves this physical life, it can feel like the relationship is at an end. Because they are no longer here. They are no longer physical and will not be able to interact with us here in the physical. And its true. They are no longer here. But that doesn’t mean the relationship is at an end. Just as they are going through a liminal moment of transition, so is our connection to them. And as with all relationships, when the connection changes between two or more people, the people change as well. That is a significant part of the grieving process. Like the dragonfly emerging from the water, we are transformed by the changing of our relationships with the person who is no longer with us. We have lost what the relationship once was and we work through what the relationship can now be.
Memorials are one way in which we attempt to continue our connection with those who are gone. They are a conversation between us, expressing our love, our gratitude, our loss, and our pledge to remember and continue to be in relationship. What is difficult to realize is that those who are gone wish to continue to be connected with us as well. Part of that difficulty is caused by time. When we end this physical life and return home, we spend time alone with our teacher reviewing the life we have left, turning experiences into lessons, embodying those lessons and converting them to wisdom. During this time we are unavailable to interact with others both at home in the Akashics and those who remain embodied. It can feel as if we are truly gone. By the time we have completed this process, those we love have often moved on, closing off the connections between us in order to heal and ‘move on’ with their lives.
This is natural, but prevents the ongoing connection that is possible. Those we love, who love us, don’t stop loving us because they have returned home. Nor do they stop wanting to support us and nurture us or just give us a smile on a down day. The connection continues because, in the end, we are immortal. So, when time has passed, when the grieving is done and colors return to the world around you, open your heart to memories of what has been. You might start to notice synchronicities, flashes of insight, or just a warm feeling when you least expect it. Because the connection continues…