I focus a lot on self-improvement and self actualization in my blogs. Mostly because it’s the one thing any of us has control over. However, in this year of the Snake where we’re being challenged to make deep internal changes and transitions, I think it’s worth talking about some externals as well. And that is the fact that all of us are resistant to change. Not just change within ourselves, but external changes. Specifically, in those that we love and depend on.
There is so much inside of us that is changing constantly. We are bombarded by input every conscious moment and trying to make meaning out of it and act on that meaning to create our lives, even if it’s just to get more gas in the car. We need some things to remain constant. Thank goodness for gravity. Weightlessness is fun because it rarely occurs. It’s a special one-off that proves the rule. I like it that my glassware stays on flat surfaces when I set it down, thank you very much. We have an emotional need for people to remain the same as well. Being social creatures we need some of them as well and we need them to remain who and what they are in order for our world to function once we have agreed to accept them as part of our world. When they change it upsets our world (not to be selfish about things, but each of us is a world unto ourselves and required to keep ourselves healthy and functioning if we’re going to be able to help others) and we don’t like it. Not one bit. It jerks us out of what we are doing/thinking/becoming and makes us pay attention to structural issues, which we will work to avoid doing.
I’m not pointing to changes like getting more education, teenagers moving out of the parental home, high school or college graduations and such things. These are planned changes that you, for the most part, can see coming and prepare for. And they are happy changes that bring benefit to everyone involved even tangentially. What I’m talking about are the changes that are going on internally that no one outside you can see until it starts to manifest. For example, dysfunctional families resist members getting healthy because it upsets the structure of the family. Besides the fact that the healing person no longer fits in, and perhaps there are 11 people for dinner instead of the required 12, the healing process challenges everyone elses choices and roles and behaviors. It upsets family structure and the entire family will resist this. They will attempt to keep the family member from completing their process and they may succeed. This is why people with addictions are advised to remove themselves from their previous friends and family. Break the structure and create a new one that will be supportive.
As you transition this month, be aware that while it is quite possible that everyone around you is supportive of your health and well-being, they may respond with questioning commentary or with neutral to negative feedback to changes you are making. This is not because they do not care but because they are resistant to your changing which causes the structure of your relationship and their world to change. Be patient, take their responses with a grain of salt and don’t allow them to derail you from your process. They will come around eventually and you will all be better for it.