Self value is like a coin.  It has two sides.  Some people favor the side that shows our value is something we create within ourselves.  Some favor the side that takes input from others in order to validate who we think we are.  And the reality is that we need both sides of that coin in order to be balanced and whole.  As long as they are positive, supportive, life affirming, provide constructive criticism and help us live the truth of who we are.  We need to value ourselves positively and be healthy in our uniqueness and the worth of what we do and who we are.  We also need to be seen and appreciated for who we are even if only for a brief moment through the smile of someone passing by.

Our self value can suffer when these two things our out of balance.  If we don’t value input from others or don’t look into the mirror that their observations provide we can lose ourselves in the meaning we create in our minds and our hearts which can quickly become divorced from reality.  We can become absorbed by an idea, an emotion, a moment in time that no longer exists, or fall into circular thinking that keeps us from seeing the positive.  We can weave stories about ourselves that limit what we do, who we are, and keep us from experiencing the amazing possibilities all around us.

If we don’t value our own knowledge of self, if we aren’t willing to look at the deep truths of who we are, we can spend our lives trying to create realities that always fall apart, fall short, and create emotional black holes that we fall into.  We spend all of our energy and time attempting to make reality fit these scenarios, following lovers to break up soon after, leaving old jobs to start new careers that never emerge, plunging head first into education programs that prevent us from graduation or which keep us from reaching our stated goal.

Valuing ourselves means first liking who we are, including the hard truths about ourselves which may not be pretty, but are the bedrock we have to build our lives on.  Before looking for validation of what we think we want and that will make everything “all right” first we should look at whether or not the thing we want is in harmony with who we truly are.



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