Wisdom

Bad or Real?

No one wants to feel bad.  Not only is it not fun, but our bodies are hard wired to avoid it because feeling bad causes us to be vulnerable which means the huge saber tooth tiger will sneak up on us and we won’t be able to heft that spear to defend ourselves….really, that’s what our lizard brain is telling us a lot of the time. …Details

What To Do With The Pain?

We do an amazing amount of damage to ourselves in order to avoid painful emotions.  We sacrifice decades of our lives, our ability to achieve our dreams, our core identities so we can avoid a pain that may or may not ever occur. …Details

The Fun House Mirrors

People tend to have this impression that once they are healed or adult or get their shit together or magically make it out of whatever situation they are working through, the fog will clear, they will magically perceive everything “normally” and they’ll no longer have any connection to where they came from or what they’ve been through. …Details

When the Devil’s Not In the Details

Sometimes people come to me with specific questions or issues.  They want to know about why a one time event happened, about this physical ailment they’re experiencing, or about this one relationship and what it means.  Often it’s very specific and while they are giving me the details of what occurred, what they think it means, what they think is involved, and why they think it happened in the first place, I’m preparing to dig into what the bigger picture might be. …Details

The Letter Vs. The Spirit

Most of us have heard of that old argument between the letter of the law and the spirit of the law.  I mean it starts way back in school when you hear someone yell “Yeah, but that’s not what she meant!!!”  Ah, the teachable moments when kids figure out how to manipulate the system. …Details

They’re On Your Head

You know when someone is tearing the house apart trying to find something, just desperate, they can’t do one more thing without finding….and you ask what they are looking for and it’s their glasses.  Then you point out the glasses are on their head?…Details

Triage Vs. Life

Personal time or “The life we’re doing all this for” has become a catchall term for whatever we’re doing that isn’t work or sleeping. It includes all the household chores and maintenance, errands (household chores that need to be done outside the home), exercise for the purpose of maintaining health and body weight, connecting with friends to maintain relationship, connecting with family to maintain relationship, fulfilling obligations, providing for the needs of those who depend on us (children/elder care/codependents), self-care, working on projects that will advance our life in some way (education/new business/making art), and doing things which we enjoy simply for the pleasure of doing them. …Details

Reclaiming

Along with the moving forward into who we want to be/the life we want to live and letting go of the past, there’s also the reclaiming what was lost.  Many people miss this part of the procedure and end up with empty spaces or regrets or simply a feeling of loss. …Details

The I Can’t Fallacy

“I can’t” is a common enough phrase.  It’s supposed to indicate that something isn’t possible and usually comes with an order of “because.” It’s a phrase that has become so overused that it doesn’t have much meaning any more.  When I hear it (apart from when it is used to indicate that logistics are a problem such as “I can’t at that time” or “I can’t because I’ll be doing something somewhere else” or “I’m too far away so I can’t”) I hear an echo from the Princess Bride in the background.…Details

Writing Your Own Story

Most writers will tell you that writing the beginning of the story is the hardest part.  You usually already have the meat of the piece when you start, you are in the middle of the story, all the good stuff is swirling all around you and you want to get at it. …Details